Life has been hard. If you read my post about March's drama then you know we've had a rough time around here. Well the newest development brings up difficult memories. In 2009, I lost my black and white persian Peekaboo. She was 10 years old and had lost all but three teeth. The last 2-3 years of her life she lived on wet cat food even though she tried so hard to eat the dry food. She eat it and then it would come back up because she swallowed it whole. She loved me so much. Whenever I would go away, she wouldn't eat and she would be frantic to be with me when I got home. She hid from most people but she slept right next to me. She never wanted to be held. In a way I think she was afraid of heights. However, if I was sitting on the couch, she'd be on the back right behind me. She just wanted to be near me. The morning she died, I don't know what happened. Hubby got up and went to work like normal. He said she was fine then. Not even an hour later, I got up. I went in the basement to give her her food and she was lying under the bottom stair. I knelt to check on her and I swear she had been just holding on long enough for me to say goodbye. I picked her up and that was the moment she lost control of her functions and the light went out of her eyes. It was shocking. I knew she probably didn't have a lot of time left in her life, but I didn't think she was even close to leaving me. It was very traumatic. Six months later, my cat Persephone died as well. She had never been a very healthy cat and really I was just waiting for us to have enough money to get her checked out. She was one of those cats that had kittens every 6 months and none of the kittens lived. It was very difficult on her and she left me. However with her I was relieved. I knew the vet wouldn't be able to help her. She had some kind of skin ailment that made her fur and skin literally peel off. It was for the best for her.
Now, I have to actually make the call. Really I already did. At 11:15 this morning, I will be taking Diablo to the vet. He has lost control of his bowels. He lays around and doesn't even know he's peeing on himself. He hardly eats any more and can't jump higher than a foot and a half when he used to be able to jump almost 4 feet. He's skin and bones and pretty much only wants canned milk. He's dehydrated even though he is constantly drinking water. He even climbed in the shower with me to get a drink. I am pretty sure he has kidney disease (he had kittens that got it), but if he doesn't then his age is finally taking its toll on him. I love him so much that I refuse to wait around for him to die. I can't watch him go through that. I can't let him suffer. So I have to do this. It is breaking my heart. He was my baby before I had a baby. While I was pregnant, he would lay on my belly and sleep with me. He looked so good last year at this time. I really thought he was doing great. It's been down hill since last summer though. He loved me being pregnant and I will always cherish all our cuddle time. He doesn't even really try to get in my lap much any more. He just lays on the counter because that's where his water and food is. Sometimes he falls off when he is trying to walk around on it and I have to pick him back up, but that's where he pretty much stays. When he isn't on the counter, he laying in the middle of the floor. In my experience, every cat that has stopped making the effort to get off the cold floor has little time left in their life. I know I am justifying my actions here. I have to. This is all necessary. I am doing him and me a favor, but God I love him. I don't want to let him go.